Thanks to the Master Approved Weight Loss Plan, I am officially 30 pounds lighter.

Well, Well, WELL WELL WELL… the season is upon us. Master and I exchanged Yule gifts this morning at 4:30 AM because we’re not good at waiting.? I got him a Tee-Shirt with a catch phrase from his favorite video game and he got me a gift card because I’m impossible to buy for and he knows I’m really indecisive and I generally don’t cash in my gift card until the after-season sales. Either way, we’re both happy!!

Happy Yule and Merry Christmas, Kinky Kinky Readers.

And We Now Return To Kitten, Already In Progress

Hello, Ladies, Gents and those yet to make up their mind.

It’s been a crazy couple of days in Casa De Master but I’m coming down off the highs of his love and I’ve fallen into a depression that we’ve decided should be medicated and by “we”, I mean HE and my “decided” I mean he said if I don’t stop being such a bitch and/or crying myself through a box of tissues every night, he might just have to beat me in the bad way…. And honestly, I can’t blame him. I’ve been hell on wheels for the last few months and very hard to live with, let alone “control” with any degree of satisfaction for either of us. It was time to get back on the meds. It’s been a nice long run without them, but it’s over now and I popped my first little blue pill (Zoloft, people, the OTHER little blue pill) this morning. Let the healing begin.

It’s my seasonal depression rearing its ugly ugly head and I’ll talk about it honestly. I’m not really going to sugar coat anything in this blog because well, why share if we’re not going to be honest here? I’ve shared intimate details about getting fucked and how I shave my Hoo-Ha. Why start sugar coating the depression? It’s here. I’m treating it.

I think that depression and other mental illnesses do cause problems or at least hurdles for all relationships and I think it may be especially true in D/s relationships. I know that for me, Master has no idea what to do with me when the depression sets in and I become suicidal and seriously ready to off myself if the cookies don’t brown evenly. He talks me down and is gentle with me, but if he has to spend all that time coddling my emotional fragility, where can we fit in the beatings, lashings, and overall ass ravaging? It causes such a ripple in the flow of our normal status quo that our roles fall by the way side while he switches from Master to Care Taker and I go from servant to served. It just messes things up.

But there it is. Depression is real and it throws a wrench in life, and kink, and everything else. Well, so what.? I still have to deal with it honestly and with integrity as does my Owner/Husband/Lover type person.? And he does. He gives me what I need. It’s not always what I want, but it is what I need.? I need the firm hand and the gentle voice. I need the softness of a place to fall without it also being permission to fail.? I need rest and sleep but not isolation and pity.? I need to be told to take my pills on time, but I don’t need to be enabled by him shoving them down my throat when I fight it.? He may bend slightly when I am depressed.. it’s more like a sway actually.. but he’s still the strong tall tree I need him to be. He is exactly himself, but with lower sweeping branches so I can reach them when I’m lower to the ground.? He understands depression. He knows that I’m fragile but he knows that I will not break.? He knows that I need some extra time, but I still need to be pushed.? He loves me enough not to let me wallow in it or sleep until noon or lay off my chores.? He loves me so much that he makes me do these things anyway, even at a slower pace.? It may not seem like love but it is. It’s tough love and the best love.

So yeah, I’m here.. I’m a little down, but I’m damed lucky and that makes everything better.

I’m still here. I’m just REALLY BUSY!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’ll start back writing this weekend!