Friday night, Master decided we would go to the movies. I got excited. I’ve been wanting to see the Bourne Ultimatum for some time now and I felt like I was finally going to get a chance to enjoy a night out with Master sans kink. Well, I was wrong. “Come here, Kitten”, Master said sweetly. I should have known better than to trust a voice that sweet, but I’m a silly kitten some times and it almost always gets me into trouble. Master had me insert small anal plug and a small vaginal plug. I was to wear them to, during, and back from the movie. So obediently, I put them in, and we were on our way.

On the drive to the theatre, I couldn’t help but writhe around and grind on the seat. The anal plug played against the vaginal one and the vaginal one slipped in and out as I clenched my anal muscles tightly to hang onto the invader in my ass. It was pleasure. I would have climaxed had I been allowed but since I wasn’t the ride was even more scintillating. By the time we arrived, I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to make it into the theatre without losing the toys, but walking on my tip toes as if wearing heels kept everything in place. Master laughed at my tactic but praised me for being inventive. Finally, we were sitting down for the movie and as it began, so did my service as a fetching girl. I had to go for drinks, popcorn, napkins, drink refills, and all the while, I was struggling with fatigued muscles down below trying hard not to let my plugs slip embarrassingly to the floor. Hour 2 of the movie began with uncomfortable cramps and unwelcome anal urges. I was writhing again, but this time in discomfort. Master’s whispers in my ear to hold on, and take it for his pleasure gave me resolve when I was near tears. When the movie was finally over, I begged to go to the bathroom and remove the plugs but Master said no to that request and made me wear them home. There were 2 stops before home, one for gas, which I had to walk in to pay for and once for milk, eggs, bread, and general groceries which I also had to fetch. By this time, I was holding it together with prayer.

When we were finally home, Master commanded me to strip and head straight to the bedroom. I was so happy to fall onto the bed that I nearly wept. Maybe not wept, but I was happy. Master smiled down at me and reached between my thighs sliding the vaginal plug in and out twice before pulling it from its resting place with an audible pop. The anal plug came out as easily. My thighs were coated, silky and wet and Master cleaned me up with a wet warm cloth before teasing my clit with his finger tips. I moaned my first sign of enjoyment in several hours as Master slipped his finger into my wet and welcoming slit. Instinctively, I reached down for his hand and pushed his finger deeper inside me. He smiled at me and removed his finger.

THEN HE INVITED ME TO THE LIVING ROOM FOR A MOVIE.

See, this is what it comes down to for slaves. Master’s wishes. Sometimes Master’s wishes don’t coincide with the wishes of the slave in the least. Now see, I would have LOVED to have been fucked silly right then, but it had pleased Master to watch me writhe, squirm and deal with the many obstacles he put me through while wearing the twin plugs. I thought it was just the beginning but for him, it was the whole point. I thought it was elaborate warm up but he saw it as the whole game. So, I’m sitting on the sofa beside him as he absently pinches my nipples from time to time, kisses me and tells me he loves me. I’m obviously still pretty much on edge sexually so that every touch nearly pushes me over and he finds joy in seeing me that way; sexually needy and wanting, quivering and begging for every touch. It’s ecstasy for him, agony for me, but that’s what makes him a Sadist and me a willing victim.

Master never did fuck me that night. He did, however wake me up several times by kissing my neck and pushing his cock right up to the edge of my puckering star, arousing me. He’d remind me that he owned me and then let me drift back off to sleep. This went on until morning when he finally allowed me to service him orally. I sucked his cock like a dutiful house slut and he came on my face, breasts, and tummy, marking me, owning me. Then I was allowed a 2 hour uninterrupted bubble bath….

With my waterproof vibe…

Sometimes service does have its reward

A while back, I made duct tape floggers for Master as a joke. Little did I know they would be come his favorites…

And that’s precisely why I keep hiding them….

Recently, a fellow slave and I were discussing a Gothe quote that had evidently been a topic of discussion on a slave board to which she belongs. The quote inspired me to write about my current relationship and the level of slavery that exists for me therein. The quote was this. “None are so hopelessly enslaved as those who falsely believe they are free”.

One can think of this quote in several ways, but this is how I interpret it. None of us are free. No one is free. Every human is bound to something whether it be our jobs, our political leanings, a Politically correct attitude that keeps us from being as true to ourselves as we would like. This is what the quote means. It suggests that people who do not accept their bondage to something in life are truly enslaved. They believe an illusion of freedom to be true freedom. Those people who look upon the state of the world and see past the illusion are the truly free. Simple.

When applied to consensual slavery, the quote can lose a bit of its power because we as slaves are reluctant to refer to our Owners as “enslaved”, but according to Gothe, if our Owners do not accept that they are responsible for and thereby “bound” to their slaves in some way, they, even in their exalted position, are outside of freedom. There is no freedom in responsibility except the freedom that comes from accepting one’s responsibility completely. According to Gothe, it is only when a Master becomes completely aware of his power, his commitment to the complete enslavement of his property, and accepts the weight of the responsibility that comes from enslaving property that he actually has power to own a slave completely and decide her fate. This is the place where his true freedom begins. Until then, it is far too easy for the man to be influenced by what he should do, rather than what he wants to do.

There is no freedom in slavery except the freedom that comes from accepting one’s slavery completely. As long as we believe that we are in some way in control of what happens in our lives, we are, in fact bound to an illusion and not to our Masters. When we accept that we have no ability to influence our Owners through our beauty, or grace, or pouting fits, and accept that they will not be swayed by subtle hints, grand gestures, or well meaning but unsolicited attentions, and also accept that there will be no, “topping from the bottom” in any way, shape, form, or fashion, that we can be free in our slavery and revel in what a grand thing it is to be completely owned.

Here’s the rub:
These truths must accepted both consciously and subconsciously in both our waking and reactive minds. This goes for both the Master and the slave. Insecurity in or nonacceptance of the reality of our positions will no doubt shake the trust that must be the foundation of an IE or TPE relationship, full stop. Both Master and slave must be of the same accord. It is not until a slave becomes completely aware that her Master has accepted fully his responsibilities as her master and Owner that she stops testing the water, so to speak, and is able to revel in her complete state of enslavement. This is when she becomes free. This is the first half of the equation. From here, her Master can control both her conscious her subconscious mind and truly explore the depths of his ownership of his property. When her subconscious mind, that is to say, her thoughts, feelings, and split second reactions to her Master flow along the same path as those of her conscious mind, she is completely his and he is able to fully own her. This is when HE becomes free to revel in his Mastery of his slave.

He cannot completely control her, consciously and subconsciously until she decides that she will be owned in that way. She won’t decide that until he shows her that he is consciously and subconsciously aware of his ability to hold her without any chains, through his own power and that this ownership of her will be complete. This, to me, is the platform of Internal Enslavement.

Now how does that apply to me? Well, I’m not there yet.

I am not yet Internally Owned by my Master. He wishes do not yet control my subconscious mind. We just aren’t there yet. Working on it? Of course, but it takes time. It takes time to have blind faith in a person and when that person controls your fate, it can take any longer. I still second guess, but I obey in most things no matter what. I said most things because I subscribe to no illusion of perfection in my slavery. It does not exist. Even when I am fully consciously and subconsciously owned, it will not exist. I will never respond perfectly every time. No one will, no matter how deep the brainwashing or i.e. or pure devotion goes. We are human. We will fail on occasion or perhaps more often.

I am not sure if I would want to be internally owned and some would say it is not my choice, but those people are wrong. Of course it is. I will have to consciously submit to every part of the process of my Internal Mastering before I am able to submit to it subconsciously and reach the goal of Internal Enslavement. The good thing is, I have a patient Master. He says this to me every time I rebel. “Don’t worry, Pet. I am patient. You will eventually submit.” I know this to be true and maybe that knowing is the building block of everything that is to come. I rebelled against Master’s desire for other slaves. If you’ve read this blog for long, you know that. Now, I have the same thoughts on it that he does. Did I change my mind or did he change my mind for me? I don’t know. It’s seamless. I know he is conquering me slowly but surely and while I used to, I no longer feel it as a lose of myself. I am becoming what he wants me to be. To me, this is all gain. Again, is this my thinking or is it his programming. I don’t know and moreover, it does not matter. A year ago, I could not have said that.

Now when I read over what I just wrote, and especially read the last two paragraphs all together, the truth comes out, doesn’t it?? I had to read it again before I saw it.? I boldly said that “I am not yet internally owned by my Master.” I made bold statements about my ownership.? Obviously the rest of my next to the last paragraph makes mocks that cluster of free thinking statement, doesn’t it? I am internally owned.? I said something different but it seems my subconscious mind is always betraying me.? This is why Master smirks when I tell him that eventually I will submit fully to me. He knows that on many levels he already has me.? I can see it when I look for it, but looking for it is the hard part. Wow.. Who knew you could get all of that from a Gothe quote? Here’s another,

“Treat an individual as he is, he will remain so. Treat an individual the way he can be and ought to be, and he will become as he can be and should be.” I think Master must have read that one.