The Way I Feel
Saturday, January 08, 2005
Cabin Fever
Last night, I really fail to see how Master put up with me, but he did. One day, I’m thinking he’s going to stop putting up with my silly little tantrums and spoiled attitude and just take the collar off indefinitely. I’ve got to learn how to take a deep breath on these little things that get me into trouble with him.
I’m used to having the house to myself, honestly and having Master here for nearly three weeks without a break has been taxing. I’m way off schedule on everything and nothing seems to be going right. Well, by right, I mean “my way”, which is wrong I guess in the scheme of things since being owned means “my way” is His way and his way is the right way.
So anyway, last night, I got my desire to work back again and for the first time in MONTHS I was working on my stuff and feeling inspired. I was actually getting my comissions done. I was actually putting things together, designing things, and feeling very productive. I’m click click clicking right along and Master says “put your work away and watch this movie with me.” Now in my head, I’m saying “WHAT????!” because he knows I’ve been creatively blocked for about three months and this is the first time in all that time that I’ve actually come close to finishing a piece. I put the materials up and started watching the movie with him, then as usual, I promptly fell asleep with my head on his tummy.
When I woke up, he was ready to go out to dinner so I got dressed. I looked at the clock and it was nearly midnight which meant my desire to eat healthier foods was all but thwarted because only diners and IHOP were open. I decided not to eat, to just have water and there in lies the error.
Master demanded that I eat because he knew I was hungry. He made me order something and then made me eat it and all the while I pouted because it felt like to me nothing that had been important to both of us about my life outside of him (my work, my desire to eat a healthier diet, etc) was counting for much anymore. So I pouted. I hemmed and hawed. I grunted. I glared. I was terribly put out about all of this. And really, I had no right to be. It’s what I signed on for.
So we had to go shopping after that and the shopping broke the tension a bit. We talked about it and I told him why I was so upset. I didn’t get punished, barely got out of that, though I should have been punished with more than an essay. When we got home, Master and I played video games and watched DVDs until I fell asleep, again, on his tummy. We slept apart.
I got the message.
I wonder if the message will stick.
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Friday, December 31, 2004
New Years Eve
New Years Eve. Master and I went downtown for dinner and dancing. He had me dress in a black top with leather eyelet trim and a shorter than usual black skirt with the same eyelet trim on the seams. I had my regular collar and also a tied leather eyelet collar that matched the trim on my clothing. It was a very put together look. I was allowed to wear foundation powder and a nude lip gloss. He wished my hair down, but allowed me to use side clips to kept it out of my face.
Early snack, was burgers and fries at a favorite little spot. I only had fries, however. Then we went down town. The club wasn’t quite open yet so Master and I walked through town. He ended up showing me some new martial arts blocks and I ended up punching him in his nose! 
aaanyway, it was quickly forgiven. He kissed me and told me that he should have taught me to pull my punches. 
We went to the club and my good friend L was there. We talked for a bit and then Master wanted me to dance for him. I was happy to do that. I love dancing. Master doesn’t dance. He hasn’t danced with me ever since I’ve known him. So I had a great time teasing him, kissing him, he bit my neck more than once. His hands were fondling me beneath my skirt. He teased my nipples, bit them, kissed them.. spanked me hard.. pulled my hair.. and kept me in frenzy nearly the entire night.
I danced with L. For one song and Master watched. He was very happy to see me interacting with another woman as I have few female friends. L. got tired rather quickly and I pulled Master out on the dance floor with me. He was resistant, but finally I had my Master dancing with me. OH! It was great!! He’s never danced with anyone since high school so it was quite a feat. We went outside for air and then came back in for the countdown.
Master kissed me at midnight.. until 5 minutes after midnight… we were the only ones still locked in a kiss and people smiled and one man said “you two must really be in love”... what a perfect thing to hear first thing in the new year.
Master and I left the club through a side door and found ourselves in the middle of a sky on fire. The fireworks display had begun and we sat down on the lawn of the federal building and watched until it was over. I was snuggled up with my Master, my Lover, My best friend, watching something spectacular and bringing in a new year of love, slavery and submission.
It’s an amazing thing to be in love and serving someone so completely out of that perfect love. I can’t imagine my life any other way and I hope I never have to.
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Thursday, December 30, 2004
Oh My...
Oh my. I’ve missed a lot of days. It’s amazing actually that I can be this far behind. Let’s see. I’ve been with Master for about two weeks so my time to post has been limited to nil. He’s sleeping now and he’ll be gone for the day so I finally have some “me” time.
I’m not going to go into detail now as I have so much to do today, but, sessions have been wonderful. I’ve getting more love and cuddle time with Master than I can stand and the few snags along the way have been from my health related grump grump grumping. He’s been understanding and we haven’t ended a night yet without cuddling and all kinds of love.
I’m happy. He’s Happy. This is good.
Looking forward to 4th Friday night in January because we’ll be getting together with local Athens Masters & Slaves for a Munch Dinner. It should prove pretty productive, I think. I’m hoping to meet a lot of people honestly and I need to find myself some local submissives to really talk to. This is really hard, all of it, and I just can’t imagine doing this with no outlets.
Domestic Life. I’ve really gotten a taste of it. Master has been here 24-7 for the last two weeks or so with another week or so to go. I’m really feeling what it will be like when we live together and I’m happy for the time to learn how to please him as a domestic slave as well as a sexual one because this house slave business is harder than I thought.
It’s constant. I’m surprised by little things like him asking for something while we’re in the middle of a meal and my food being cold by the time I finish tending him. I just kind of never expected that he would say something like “I think I’d like pasta with this… cook some “ after I’ve already laid the table and served the meal. It was a shock to me really that after we’d sat down to eat, he might ask me to cook something else. Before I was collared, it seemed like whatever I made was perfect but now, he does make his wants and needs known. I didn’t realize how much he didn’t vocalize while we were in the “courting and negotiation” stages of things.
Also, for the very first time, Master took his pleasure with me sexually when I wasn’t really “into” it. I of course, became aroused and sexual excited when he started to touch me, but it was the first time I can remember when I said I wasn’t up to it and he told me he wanted it anyway. After he told me he wanted to be with me anyway, I of course said, Yes Master and we made love, but again… Well, it was a reminder of what I’ve signed on for.. to please him. I know that if I were sick or terribly upset or really just out of sorts, he wouldn’t make me, but I wasn’t.. I just kind of wasn’t in the mood. That makes the difference I guess.
Wow, I had more to talk about than I thought and I’m not done yet, but I neeeeeed to get to the gym, then to the mall, then to the fabric store, then to the department store. I have to find something sexy to wear tomorrow night. Master’s expecting something...special. I have to give him that.
Into the new year! rwor! It’s gonna be a great night!
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Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Munching with KPOG
Yesterday’s Munch was fun! The trip was easy and we arrived early. Master took me to the Lindt Chocolate store in Lenox Mall and bought me nearly a 1/2 pound of truffles which we shared while walking around. We went to the bare essentials store, but it was far too busy for me to get a makeover. We had a hard time finding the spot, but when we finally did, everyone was already there. Conversation was lively. We met Angie and LC as well as the rest of that lot. I’m looking forward to talking with them more. Also, We were referred to Whipper Snappers and a few other local groups and are PROBABLY going to the Gwinnett munch tomorrow night.
Last night, Master took me to his company dinner and we had a very nice time. I met his co workers and his employer. It was a great time. After that, we came home and cuddled and as usual, I fell asleep with my head on his chest.
I have to say that everything feels deeper and richer. I feel more submissive every day. I feel myself yielding to him in everything. It’s becoming harder to NOT give myself to him. I couldn’t be happier, honestly. This is what I’ve been striving for.
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