Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Little Fingers All Crossed
Master keeps asking me what gift I’d like for Christmas and I keep saying that I’m still not sure. There are actually more than a few things I’d like, so keeping it to one modest gift is hard. I’d like most of all a few books and a new collar. The collar I want is one that locks with an allen wrench rather than a lock. Eternity Collars, they’re called and they’re quite sleek looking and look more like a necklace around mundanes than my chain & tiny lock. I really love my chain and tiny lock, but this Eternity Collar might be more practical.
I’d also like a few Emma Donoghue books that I haven’t read, but really, I hate asking for hard cover books because they’re so much more expensive for the same material. The one I want most isn’t out in soft cover yet, so I’m reluctant to ask. I know that for Master it is no issue, but it’s an issue for me. It’s silly to waste his money on a hard cover when the soft cover will be out in a few months and I can get the book for probably half the price. Of course, this isn’t my issue to worry over. It’s his. His money, his gifts, his desire to give them. His order to me was to tell him what I want not to obsess over the prices of things.
Silly Idunna!
RambleRambleRamble
With my allotment of $ I’ve procured Master’s gifts from me already. They should arrive in the mail soon. I’ve asked him not to ask me what they are because, of course, I’d have to TELL him! Small caveat of being always obedient. ;p
Don’t they always have the upper hand?
Idunna's Day to Day • Ramblings & Chatter • (0) Comments • (0) Trackbacks • Permalink
"A Little Won't Hurt"
I have to confess something to myself that I daily try to deny.
I, Idunna, all around good girl, eat things that are bad for me often. I took a look at what I ask for in the way of groceries and then compared it to what I actually end up eating most of the time and my choices are quite poor. A lot of times, I’ll use my alloted $ to buy dinner rather than cook, especially if I’ve had a trying day. This is unacceptable, mind you, because I only have an opportunity to cook ONE meal for Master a day and that’s generally only 2-3 days a week.
Mostly, it’s FAR too easy just to order out things that I know Master will love and ease the chore of cooking off of myself. Of course, this is sad because I also end up eating whatever I order for Master and then undo my hard gym work by eating things that are not on my list of acceptable foods. *sigh*
I’ve decided to do better in this by a) Cooking more and ordering out less. b) Taking my own condiments, dressings, and if need be, food, when Master and I have a night out. He’s given me permission to do this and I think I’ve done it once since that time. c) really taking more of an interest in what I’m trying to achieve for myself. All this change is essentially for me so that I feel better and I’ve found that I’m not doing the work that I should. Really, that’s quite sad.
I have to start taking advantage of the opportunities I keep denying myself. Admitting you have a problem is the hardest part, right?
Ftiness, Nutrition & Self Improvement • confessions and admissions • (0) Comments • (0) Trackbacks • Permalink
Time For Change
Today I challenged myself to more time on each of the machines than I had actually scheduled myself to do. I feel that I really did push myself to my physical limit as far as the resistance levels on each machine, but I probably can start to add 5 minutes to the eliptical and 10 minutes to the upright bike without pushing myself past my threshhold. My weight has plateaued so changing the routine is essential. I think by adding 5 or 10 minutes here and working in a resistance band routine, I should be able to break plateau by January.
My body’s shape is changing even if my weight is not. My fat to muscle ratio is definitely changing as I put on more lean muscle and drop more fat. My body feels more lean and my posture has improved greatly over the past few months. And I feel healthier and have greater endurance in all areas of life which, of course, makes me a better servant for my Master.
I have chores still, but today was a good day all in all as far as the trip to the gym goes.
Ftiness, Nutrition & Self Improvement • daily report • (0) Comments • (0) Trackbacks • Permalink
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
About This Journal
Things People Ask
Who are you?
The name my Master has given me is Idunna. I’m a 28 year old woman living a life of consensual servitude. I consider myself enslaved, or owned. It is of my free will that I entered this arrangement. I hope to remain in this arrangement for the rest of my natural life.
What is “Consensual Servitude”?
Consensual servitude is defined a number of ways. In my personal situation, I am under a lifetime contract to serve a man who I refer to as “Master”. I am his companion, his lover, his friend, and his household servant. I defer to him in most all areas of life. My Service to him lacks the “kink” of most BDSM relationships and borders on being more like most conventional “Biblical” or ancient marital arrangements. I do the “Woman’s Work”. I serve him and I obey him. I am submissive by nature and this is a natural arrangement for me.
Do you live with your Master?
Master and I do not live together. He in a nearby city but comes to my home several times a week and most times, stays overnight for several consecutive days. This is our current arrangement, but soon, I am sure we will co-habitate. Currently, this arrangement is more convienent for him and I am grateful for the extra time to become more accustomed to my life as a slave.
Isn’t this a cop out kind of life? Are you just a weak woman who needs supporting so you enter this so called submission?
Not at all. I am a well educated capable woman. I “own” my own business which I continue to work at from home. I am independent and entirely capable of living on my own in the world. My Master does not yet financially support me nor does he take earnings from the business I run, though if he wished to, he could. This submission is in my heart and the life I’ve chosen is just that.. the life I’ve chosen. Master wishes a strong, independent woman to serve him. I defer to him rather than depend upon him for my day to day decisions and life management. This is the way he prefers it. I am grateful that he does prefer it this way.
What is meant by “defer rather than depend"
Deferring rather than depending is the way Master chooses our relationship to be structured for now. This means that I have a standard group of things in which I make my own decisions. These include the business I run, my day to day chores (to a certain degree) and such things as this. I defer to Master on most “categories” of life like my appearance, my health, my time management, sleep schedules, and the people I associate with. Within those categories, Master has set guidelines for me that I live within. This means I do not have to ask him every single little thing, but only things that do not fall within the guidelines or things I’m not sure about.
In example, I am allowed to make doctor’s appointments and go to them without asking if I may make a doctors appointment. I am expected however, if it is not an emergency, to check Master’s schedule and do it at a convenient time for him.
I am allowed to choose my own groceries within the guidelines of the healthy things Master wishes me to eat. If I should decide that I’d like cheesecake, then I must ask.
I am allowed time with friends on certain standing days of the week. I do not have to ask to go to these events, only remind Master that I am going. If, however, my friends decide on another day for us to get together, I must ask to go and abide by Master’s decision.
Some standard things I am NOT allowed to do are cut my hair, wear acrylic or fake nails, wear makeup on a daily basis, smoke, drink, or do anything that harms my body or my mind. I am not allowed to deviate from any of Masters standing orders or guidelines for me without asking and having a good reason. I am expected to keep proper poise, not curse excessively, and to not raise my voice or do anything disrespectful toward Master. Major Punishable Acts are blatant disrespect, failure to obey, and doing anything to harm myself directly or indirectly.
Punishment?
Yes, when I disobey or fail to do what Master wishes me to do out of a lack of trying or just plain laziness or blatantly disrespectful behavior, I am punished. Punishments are seldom physical...(i.e. spankings). The most common punishment that Master gives me is to have me write an essay on what I’ve done wrong, why I’ve done it, why it’s wrong, and why I should know better or not do it again. Also, I’m often made to write sentences numerous times and reflect on what I’ve done wrong. Example, I might be made to write the sentence “I will not disrespect Master” between 100 and 1000 times as well as an essay on how I’ve disrespected him and how that reflects on me as his servant.
Other forms of punishment are not being allowed personal time, extra chores, and not being allowed to attend events in my “free” time.
The WORST and most severe punishment is the removal of my collar for a specified or sometimes unspecified period of time. During this time, I am expected to work very hard and obey. All things I do must be approved, even things that are normally standard and OK. I am expected during this time to “earn back” my collar and the privilege of serving my Master. Luckily, I have never had to endure this punishment.
Punishments and direct discipline make me a more well rounded person in all avenues of life and make me a better trained servant for my Master. I appreciate the punishments and see them as a road to growth and personal introspection.
What is a day like for you?
It really depends. I wake up early, around 06:30 and do the things that most people do. Feed pets, eat breakfast, walk the dog, shower, and get dressed. I meditate, go to the gym, and do my day to day errands and chores and work as well as whatever Master would have me do.
If Master is here, then what I do is up to him and revolves around his desires, needs and his time constraints.
What’s with all the apple references?
Idunna is the Norse Goddess whose enchanted apples kept the Gods young. Apple references are my little way of referencing the Goddess whose name I have been given.
Why keep a journal and why keep it online?
I keep a journal because it’s a way for me to have an outlet to deal with my day to day activities. I keep it online because it’s easier for Master to access. Also, I keep it online because it’s a way to reach out to others who are in similar arrangements to mine, to meet other slaves and to let other women know that they have “sisters” out there who are also dealing with all the pleasures and challenges of being owned.
Are you happy?
Completely. I can’t think of anything or any life that would make me happier. In this life, we have a lot to give each other in the way of love and things that money can buy, but to me, offering myself to someone else completely is the best and deepest form of love. Submission in this way has changed my life and continues to change it day by day.