Today I went to hang out at Ma’am’s house with a few other submissives. Ma’am likes hosting us girls at little house in the woods.  She’s one of few dominants I know who likes to surround themselves with submissives and slaves as friends and near equals. At her house, protocol is suspended and we’re allowed to be ourselves as long as we’re respectful.  It’s really just sort of a “Submissive Retreat”.  She calls herself the Hostess with the Mostess and she honestly sees  that we need a little outlet to just be girlie.  We hang out,  and do non-lifestyle related fun things like trips to art stores and pizza parties.

I have to say that every day I think I take a moment to really thank God/dess for her because I think that without her, many of us local gals would have gone stir crazy by now.  A lot of us are full timers and don’t work outside of the homes we keep for our owners.  This means that we may literally not see the outside world for weeks at a time.  (I know that’s true for myself and a friend of mine as I’m not allowed to drive at all and she isn’t allowed to drive without express permission.) Ma’am’s little retreats for us are amazing and mean so much to us.  She opens her home to us and it’s just above and beyond what anyone ever has to do. I think our owners appreciate it, too, because we come back full of joy and giggles, less stressed, and rejuvenated.  And most of all, I think we come home ready to serve with renewed appreciation of who we are outside of our slavery as well as within it.
So that was today.  Ma’am came by to pick me up around 2 PM and we took off to her house were all the girls were showing up  a few at a time.  Pretty soon it was a full house.  We did some girl stuff, had some pizza and then it was 6 PM in no time and my owner showed up to help put together a spanking bench with a couple of other folks while, Ma’am and the other girls took off to craft stores for a little fun time and when we got back, the bench was done and folks were taking turns getting spanked downstairs at my owner’s hand and I was upstairs with Ma’am, talking and enjoying some girl chat.  Pretty soon it was time for us to run home so Master could get ready for work.

When we get home, I was lying on the sofa, regrouping and just enjoying the quiet and Master says “Well, I’ve spanked everyone today except you…”.

He came over to the sofa and gives me a few hard swats on my thigh and we both smiled. He kissed my forehead and went to finish getting dressed.  I followed  and found him sitting on the side of the bed putting on his socks.  I crawled across the floor on my knees, sidled up to him and nuzzled against him, my ass wiggling expectantly.  Master laid his broad arm across me and grasped my waist and with his free hand rained several swats that sent me squirming. He tightened his grip around my waist and leaned his torso against me, locking me into position.  The spanking got harder and harder. I could feel the heat rising on my bottom and the cool breeze of his up swing before the hard swack seconds later gave me just a second’s reprieve between swats.  I stopped counting at 60.  He hits so hard. It was getting unbearable.  I was saying “no… no… Please… ouch!  Damn it that smarts!!” At some point I squealed “Stoooop…” and Master did and said “well, all you had to do was ask”  He grinned at me. And I said “When has ASKING YOU TO STOP ever worked??” and he laughed and said “… But I think you liked it because I can smell how wet you are, you fucking slut…”

He pushed my head into the pillow and shoved three dry fingers into my sopping wet cunt. He tore into my pussy punishingly with his fingers. I instinctively began grinding my hips against him.  He ripped his hand out of me and shoved his fingers in my face, making me lick his fingers.  He smiled at me and grabbed me by the hair so quickly, I didn’t even realize what had happened.  a short drag across the floor by my hair had me on my knees kneeling just beneath his cock.  He was in my mouth in an instant and down my throat hard and rough. I didn’t even have time to acknowledge my gag reflex. Master fucked my mouth  hard and I  thought he would cum, but he didn’t.  His voice was gruff when he told me he wanted my ass.

Master threw me on the bed on my back and stretched my legs painfully until my knees were behind my shoulder and my asshole was displayed.  He spat on my puckering star and shoved his cock into me all at once. He was inside me completely. The pain was intense and I cried out but very soon Master pushed his weight into my body and catching a breath at all became so much of a focus that protesting of any type was out of the question.  When I finally could breathe, the only sounds I made were those indicating intense orgasm.  Master fucked so hard and with such force that I couldn’t think of anything except him. When he came, it was primal. He slapped my face good and hard, and then again and through his clentched teeth spewed the words “Fucking… BITCH…. Good fucking bitch…”  and I was cumming right along with him with the spittle of those words fresh on my face.

When he was done with me, Master went off to clean up and let me there on the bed without a word or a kiss or a gesture of any kind. I smiled to myself and reveled in his use of me.  When my legs returned to a solid state rather than the jellied one he’d left them in, I went to the bathroom and started to clean up. The tear in my asshole was bleeding but not unmanageable.  Master kissed me as he rushed out the door for work. I was still getting cleaned up and he was in too much of a hurry to ask if I was OK, especially when he knew I was.

So now I’m all cleaned up, basking in the afterglow. My asshole’s still a little bloody, but I’m pretty sure it’s going to get the same treatment in the morning including the spanking.

I’ve missed the rough treatment.

I’m glad it’s back.

Act I

So Yesterday, Master and I spent the entire day with La Maestra and her Leto, enjoying their company and had a great time. We came home around 9 and I was ever so pleased that the dogs had not destroyed the house or each other. I was super tired. Master put me straight to bed and tucked me in. He informed me then that he was not staying home but was going out to visit with some friends and handle some business he needed to take care of. I felt my bottom lip begin its slow and all to often traveled journey to “The Pout”. I nodded dutifully and said “Well, at least we’ll have all day tomorrow together, right, Master?” I waited for his assurance that we WOULD be spending Sunday (aka “togetherness day”) together since long ago he “promised” me that Sundays would be OUR day but that assurance did not come. Instead he said “No, Kitten. I have made plans with my friends. I’ll be leaving at 2 PM and I won’t be back until after 10 or possibly even 11.

“At NIGHT???” , I blurted indignantly.

“Yes. At Night.”, Master calmly replied.

“But.. but… It’s togetherness day and you PROMISED and It’s NOT FAIR and you PROMISED ME THAT SUNDAYS WOULD BE MY DAY… I mean OUR DAY!”, I screamed and sputtered.

“Well, I promised you that while I was working and you were in school but we have BOTH taken the summer off, so, that’s no longer the case. We spend most days together. Tomorrow I’m GOING with my friends.”, He said, cool as a cucumber.

I sputtered, pouted and tried to muster the strength for an even MORE ridiculous display of brattitude, but thank the heavens above I was just too tired to do more than that. Master was much more pleasant than had to be to his very screamy, pouting, Kitten girl, but at the time, I was not able to appreciate the fact that pitching wail hadn’t brought down the wrath of Hades on my ass.

I fell asleep before Master was out of the door, but in a few minutes he was back. He roused me up and I cracked one eye open to listen, still half pouting in my sleep.

“My plans got canceled for tomorrow so I guess it’ll be togetherness day after all.”

I fell asleep with a big smile on my face and thus ends Act 1.
Act II

I woke up in a good mood. I had already planned out the day. I knew exactly what I was going to ask him if we could do. We would go out and have a great time. I’d planned dinner for the both of us and had everything laid out for a perfect “Togetherness Day”. Master, who didn’t come in until after 7 AM, was still sleeping when the phone rang at 1:30 and it was his friend, S, with whom he had the plans that had originally quashed Togetherness Day.

“Hello, Kitten. Is He around?”

“Yes, but he’s still sleeping. May I tell him you called?”, The ever diplomatic Kitten replied.

“Well, our plans are back on, so could you wake him and let him know to be here at 3?”, S said.

“Well, unfortunately S, He made plans with me last night when he thought it was all canceled.”, I said smoothly treading on the thinnest line. “But, I’ll tell him you called and let him call you back”

I thought about not waking him. I thought about not telling him S. had called. I knocked on the door and eased in sweet as honey and roused my resting Owner.

“Well, S. Called and said your plans were back on, but I went ahead and told him that you had made plans with me and would call him later… so go back to sleep. I’ve taken care of everything.” I smiled, kissed Master, and started to ease out.

“Kitten? Since when do you take care of everything?”, Master said, not so sweetly..

“Well, I thought since you were sleeping….”

“Kitten? Bring me the phone…”

Master called back his friend and remade his plans. He started getting dressed, ignoring my pout and my petulance. He moved around my slumping form as if I weren’t there. To get noticed, I cleared my throat unnecessarily loud and said “Well, so much for togetherness day…”

Thus Ends Act II

Act III

Master finished getting dressed and took me out to a nearby store to pick up a few things for the evening. He didn’t have to, but he knew I was disappointed and so he was being nice. I was too busy pouting and being indignant to appreciate his calm demeanor or to notice how thin his patience with me was wearing. I clipped my words and swam around in my “poor me” puddle, oblivious to the fact that I was ruining my Master’s happiness of getting to see friends he hadn’t seen since last year. We got to the store and I blurted out.

“I’m Angry, Master. I’m supposed to tell you what I’m feeling and I’m feeling very angry.”
“I acknowledge your anger, Kitten, but I’m not going to change my plans. Get what you need and don’t make me late.”

I scowled at him and quickly got my things, he paid for them and we left. In the car, I said it again.

“I’m STILL angry, Master. You broke your plans with me and that’s just wrong.”

Master had had enough.

“Kitten. I’m sorry you’re feeling hurt, but GET OVER IT RIGHT NOW. You are a slave. Suck it up and act like one. Do you understand me and the answer to that question is ‘YES Master’ and then SILENCE. Do you understand? I have indulged your little mood long enough and it ends right now or I will end it and you don’t want me to end it.”

“Yes Master”… and then silence.

When we got home, Master prepared to leave and before he left he noticed that I had straightened up and was acting like his slave again rather than an entitled fishwife. He came over and kissed me.

“I’m sorry I had to break our plans, but you need to learn to revel in my happiness and to swallow these selfish streaks you have. Even if I had wanted to stay home, I wouldn’t have been able to because your attitude was not one that I could have ever rewarded. I was even going to invite you, but your attitude made that impossible so now you have to stay home alone.

Kitten… You are entitled to NOTHING. This is something you really need to understand. Promises I make to you are not binding contracts. I owe you nothing. No explanations. You are entitled to nothing and are not in a position to demand anything…”

“Yes, Master.. have fun with your friends.”

“Good Girl, Kitten. I’ll call you if I’ll be later than Midnight and if I am, you’ll go to bed when I call, understand?”

I swallowed hard and tried not to balk at later than Midnight, remembering his words “Kitten, you are entitled to NOTHING” I ran those words over and over in my mind for a moment and replied to my owner in the only way I knew would be acceptable.

“Yes Master.

And then he left and now here sits the Kitten, alone in the bed that her entitled attitude has made.

End of Act III

Sometimes those lessons come down like a ton of bricks, don’t they?

Whew. I thought I was doing so well. I’ve got a lot of work to do before I’m the slave I sometimes like to think I am.

Well, new protocol is now in place. To commemorate the occasion, I got a sparkly rhinestone collar and shockingly, it’s not PINK. I know, I’m shocked, too. It’s black. It’s really kind of classy. I’m evidently a classy kind of pet. It’s pretty y’all. I’ll take a photo.

Let’s see. Well, how do you make a dependent slave more independent without removing her desire for service.

1. You give her chores, but make her do them naked except for the collar, with a butt plug in her ass and also while wearing high heels.

2. You make her go jogging 3 times a week forcing her out of the house and into the neighborhood whether she likes it or not.

3. You give her an unlimited 6 month bus pass and make her go places where she has to connect to another bus, wait a while, deal with people, and the purpose of that bus trip will be TO VOLUNTEER for various agencies to keep her in that service motivated mood.

4. You take away her computer during certain hours so that she can’t rely on the comfort of her Internet Friends and has to go out and make friends who talk, not type.

5. You sign her up for everything you can think of as long as she’s home by five.

6. FILL HER DAY with the outside world. Total immersion process. I even get to pack a lunch… Out of the house all day, starting with 1 day a week and moving to 5 gradually as her comfort zone increases.

On top of that MORE kinky sex. MORE open dialog. MORE poly dating. MORE activity in the local Scene.

MORE MORE MORE.

Oh, and forbidden to me now is the color BROWN. I wear brown every day. I wear drab colors like brown and olive and things that blend.. oatmeal colored clothing? I has it. I’m getting new clothes… they will have actual colors that aren’t made by blending all the other colors together. No more fading into the woodwork. Vibrant clothing. INTERESTING clothing and eye catching jewelry (which I’ll make) which serve as conversation pieces so that they will.. well, INSPIRE CONVERSATIONS.

Wow.

It’s a brand new day in the house of Wolf.

*oh, and I got a kitty food bowl with my name on it for lapping up cum flavored milk cream (That’s cream that he cums in), and damn it kaya, he read your blog and is “intrigued” by the notion of cumming on my food so, I’ll be joining you in the “special mayonnaise” club.

But that’s a story for another day.

This event occurred a while back but I wasn’t ready to write about it until now. I wrote it in my paper journal but now I’m sharing it with you!

It was a normal night. Nothing was really going on except that I had mentioned a few days before that I thought maybe I needed a spanking but he had ignored the request or so I thought. I had just finished packing Master’s dinner of pasta and Italian Sausage with a light tomato sauce and had sat down on the floor to read a little bit while he was readying to go. I heard him call me. I answered. He told me to come to him. I went.

I walked into his bedroom and from behind, he grabbed me by my hair, and pulled my head sharply back. He kissed me harshly and threw me stomach first onto his bed. He ripped my skirt down and put his hand on the back of my neck and pushed me into the mattress. Kicking my feet apart, he ran his other hand between my thighs which were already surprisingly damp. “Slut…” he snapped at me. The harshness of his voice brought me back from the place my mind had wandered just that quickly.

“Kitten? Are you present?”He asked..

I nodded as best I could.

“Kitten? Are you aware?” Master asked. I nodded slowly, but he wanted a verbal response. “Tell me Kitten…” he said.

“Yes, Master… I’m aware. I’m aware. ”

Saying the words started to bring me out of my mental fog and I took in a deep breath to prepare for what was happening.

Master cupped my ass cheeks in his hands one, then the other rubbing them gently, then squeezing them painfully hard. Within a few seconds, the first strike of the cane fell hard on my ass. Then again without warning. He stopped for a moment and walked around me so that he could see my face. I didn’t yelp or scream. He smiled and told me I was a good girl. Stepping behind me again, I heard the whistle of the cane as it traveled through the air on the up stroke and then as it was coming down, he stopped short. “Relax kitten… relax….” I took a deep breath and let it out, my muscles that were tense, relaxed and I breathed in deeply again. The sharp pain of the strike made me hold my breath, sputter, and squirm. I slid down and sat with my heels to my bottom a few times and every time I did, Master said “Fine… the front then” and hit me with the cane on my breasts, nipples and belly until I gave in and offered him my ass again. The caning hurt so badly that my voice caught in my throat every time I tried to scream. After several more blows with it, I broke my silence and by the time I did break my silence, it was with tears.

He put the cane away and locked my wrists in leather cuffs. Then he locked my ankles in cuffs and with chain and a shackle clamp, immobilized me. I couldn’t even wiggle out of position. I was stuck. Master picked up the thin acrylic paddle that I’d given him a few months ago and after one session, begged him to never use again. He slapped it against his hand a even after a light blow, his hand turned red. He dropped down to one knee and told me to look at him. I couldn’t. Master grabbed my hair and angled my face so that I could not help by look at him. I knew better than to close my eyes at this point. I was looking at him as he raised the paddle, and as it came down against my tender flesh, I struggled not to break eye contact. The pain was almost too much. I couldn’t revel in it. I couldn’t find any pleasure or joy in it. There was nothing in this pain for me except more pain.

I did not break my eye contact with Master. He kept me present. He asked me questions about my day. He asked me about the paper I was writing and expected answers. While delivering a sound spanking with this implement of horrible torture, he insisted that I keep talking, stay focused, stay present. He would not for anything let me drift away. My ass stung horribly, so badly that I thought for sure I was bleeding. The backs of my thighs and my calves had not escaped the punishment. He even spanked the tender bottoms of my feet and the backs of my arms and the tender palms of my hands were caned with a thin rattan rod. My entire body shuddered and trembled. I ached everywhere and every inch of me felt like an open wound or a fresh burn. Each time I tried to close my eyes or drift into my subconscious, Master pulled me back with either his voice, pain I could not ignore, or a demand for an answer. He wanted me to cry, he told me, because it meant I was present. If I were drifting out to find the pleasure of it all, I was in disconnect and these sessions, he told me, were to connect us.

Finally, far past the point when I thought I could take no more, Master kissed my forehead and told me that the book I was reading for research sounded interesting and that he might borrow it. He said he was happy that we could share and have these conversations. Master acted as if we had been making small talk over coffee in a cafe rather than having a conversation while he beat me until I was felt raw, vulnerable, and open like a wound. What kind of mind fuck was that? I asked myself that question and then I realized that it wasn’t a mindfuck at all. It was just here now and present.

He unlocked my cuffs, and helped me up to my feet on rather shaky legs and guided me to the shower. I stood under the luke warm water and finally was able to drift away a bit under the cool caress of the water gliding over my body. I looked down and saw that the water was tinged with pink. Master said that the sores weren’t too bad and spritzed them with rubbing alcohol which compared to the beating I’d just gotten, barely stung. I stepped out of the shower and Master wrapped me in a towel. I dried myself off and he smiled at me, kissed my forehead and held me to him for a long while. I thanked him for keeping me present during the beating. I thanked him for the beating itself because it brought me much needed focus which I would have lost out on if he had let me drift away.

Now it’s been an hour. He’s gone to work and I’m left with this pain, but there’s no disconnect. It hurts when I move. My bottom is practically raw, but unlike times when Master’s let me drift into subspace, I know what happened and I know what it was all about. I feel more connected to the experience and more connected to him. There was nothing in it for me I thought because there was no sexualized pain but now I feel that sometimes when the pain was sexualized, maybe I was cheated out of the feeling I’m having right now of deep contentment and presence.

The beating I got tonight was like the prelude to the meditation I’m having right now. The oneness with myself and the connection to my Master. I feel everything.

I don’t think I’ve ever experienced anything like this. I really can’t describe it.