I’m talented. That’s not a boast; it’s the truth. I’ve studied music both instrumental and voice for about 20 years. I’m a jewelry designer, artist, tutor, graphic artist, and teacher of lost arts, needle working, farm life, etcetera. I’m academically gifted. I’m pretty talented in a lot of areas and boy does Master know it.

All of these talents are the primary reason that Master chose to collar me rather than just keep me as a wife or a girlfriend or lover. These are the reasons he did not choose to keep me free and collar another. At first it was because he was happy to own such a renaissance woman. He liked that I knew a lot about a lot of things. He enjoyed bragging and boasting and showing off my brain. It was fun for me, too, and still is. I don’t say a lot unless I’m asked or in a forum where I can be helpful, but Master will say it for me. “Oh, Kitten knows a lot about that. Maybe she can help.” and he was always proud when I could.

Later on though, Master saw how my talent in multiple disciplines could be a resource for him. He began to recognize networking opportunities, bartering opportunities, and financial opportunities that would revolve around things I could do or things I knew. I’m at home most of the day. Why should I not in my spare time be a resource for him? It became evident that my talents would and should be put to use to the benefit of his networking and his billfold. Now it’s understood that he will earn money and to some degree, reputation, from the fruit of my labors. My talents are his for as long as he owns me.

A few days ago, Master rang me from his work. He had made a deal. I would do some graphic design work for a person he had recently met and with whom he had brokered a deal. I would do a draft immediately with the materials Master sent me via email. At 1 AM I was creating a rough sketch. Now three days later, I have completed the job and Master has collected the money. I’m not sure how much. He may or may not tell me. It’s his money though so it doesn’t matter to me. He gave me praise and tells me how much the work was enjoyed by the person who commissioned it.

While he used to just appreciate these talents, now he absolutely cashes in on them and why should he not? I am his slave. I am thrilled to be of service for him. I’ve tutored people, given instruction of cheese making and probiotic culturing, given art lessons, needle work lessons, all sorts of things. It’s been fun but it’s also made him money and that’s how he likes it. He should profit from allowing others to use these resources he owns.

It took me quite a while to get to this place. It is hard, at first, to understand and then come to terms with the fact that that talents I have acquired through skill, hard work, and dedication to certain disciplines is no longer mine to use exclusively for my own benefit. I have heard of girls being whored out for the sexual needs of others but I think this is different for me. Possibly it’s deeper. I’m not sure how to say it. For me, being told I will sing here, or tutor this person or create art on demand is a more intimate piece of myself that is being shared. Everything I’m good at except sex is what he’s willing to share for the right price. These things, to me, are wholly more intimate than the sharing of flesh alone. Master says it should make me feel valued and most of the time it does. It really just depends on the way things go.

I’m happy that he has found this separate use for me. It’s an interesting thing to become a commodity for trade but to have your body actually NOT be a part of it. Master says he’s never had fantasies about giving away my body, but openly admits that he’s had erotic fantasies about selling my most treasured pieces of art.

Further proof that he knows what makes His Kitten Girl tick.

Isn’t that what it’s all about?

I feel like I need to be taken down a peg or two but Master finds that to be largely not the case. I am feeling lazy and entitled inwardly but evidently it’s not what’s going on in reality. I’m living inside my head again and not seeing things as they are. (as Master says they are rather.)

Being proud of myself for the things I do is very close in my mind to being prideful. Congratulations and praise from other people is very close in my mind to being entitled. We all know where an entitled attitude got me the last time.  Balance is tricky.

This takes me back to “The Earned Bed”. The milestone is conquered. The entitlement is bound to begin, isn’t it? That’s what I’m afraid of. I figured out that it’s why I’m not really enjoying my bed. Of course that leads into a trust and transparency issue also. If I don’t use my bed because I’m afraid of entitled thinking sinking in, then I’m disobeying on the basis of not trusting my owner to make good decisions considering my enslavement.

Damn it, I should just love the damned bed already. It’s a great fucking bed! (Literally!!) What is WRONG with me? Why do I get so caught up in language?

The word EARNED is killing me. If he had just said “Kitten.. this is your bed.. sleep in it.” I would have slept in it and not ever thought about it. But because I’ve EARNED it, I’m having issues. Semantics? Yes. but not exactly. Brainwashing can sometimes bite you in the ass. This earning thing goes against my central programming.

“I give things to you because I want you to have them. You are entitled to nothing. You have no merit. You are as I say you are..” Okay fine. this I get. But now I’ve earned something. Doesn’t that indicate entitlement and merit? I don’t know. I’m overthinking this and I know that. But I have to sort it out in my brain or it will just keep clawing at me and I’ll never get any sleep.

I’m going to resolve the issue of the bed right now.

No matter how I got it, I wouldn’t have it if Master did not want me to have it. No matter what words are attached to the getting of the thing, I’ve got it because he wanted me to have it. I have things because he wants me to have them and no other reason.  So earning isn’t really earning. It’s just him giving it to me after a while because he wants me to have it.

Things I’ve done in the time between bedlessness and bedfulness are nothing special.

I think I’m OK now.

I just had to talk it all out.

I’m going to sleep in my bed now.

This video has nothing to do with this post. I just like it…

Tonight, I am having a hard time tearing myself away from the sofa. I’m tired. I don’t feel like getting things done but things HAVE to be done so I’m playing a little game I like to call Commercial Cleaning Relay.

I wait for commercials and then do as much as I can during commercial breaks. As a result, I’ve found out a few things.

I can empty and reload the dishwasher, shine the sink, clean the counter tops, wipe down the stove top, and take out the trash during a standard commercial break.

I can declutter the living room, pick up the dog toys, straighten the couch covers and load towels into the washing machine during a standard commercial break.

I can sweep the living room and kitchen, straighten the books and dust the mantle during a standard commercial break.

I can clean the toilet, clean the bathroom counter tops, and wipe down the sink in the bathroom with time to spare.

It’s pretty amazing to be honest. Commercial Cleaning Relays make it easier for me to get the shit done on days when I’m having a hard time doing it. I mean really, it’s the same amount of work, but for some reason, the time constraint of a commercial break and the reward of a little more Project Runway or Sheer Genius, or Charmed makes it easier for me to get things done.

Catalina over at Catalina Loves has a serious dilemma. Her kid’s school is trying to make it financially impossible for Catalina’s daughter to get a great education for no other reason than general asshattery and blind bias.
Read all about it on Catalina’s blog and then
help your fellow kinkster out by buying a raffle ticket for a truly awesome raffle!